It started with one small moment: a kid at the park holding the door open for a stranger. That simple gesture—done without prompting, without fanfare—stuck with me. As a new parent back then, I saw firsthand how powerful good manners could be. Not just as a formality, but as a reflection of character, empathy, and confidence.
Since then, I’ve made it a mission to teach my kids the kind of manners that don’t just impress adults, but help them feel secure and grounded in any situation. Has it been easy? No. Has it been worth it? Absolutely.
If you’re wondering whether manners still matter (spoiler: they do), and how to teach them in a way that sticks, this one’s for you.
Why Manners Are Still a Big Deal
Good manners might feel like a relic from another era, but trust me—there’s nothing outdated about kindness, respect, and thoughtfulness. In a world full of screens and short attention spans, teaching our kids how to show up for others is one of the most valuable things we can do.
One afternoon at the grocery store, my son—then only five—held the door open for an elderly man. The man gave him a big smile and said, “Thank you, young man.” You should’ve seen my son’s face. That small act gave him so much pride. It reminded me that manners don’t just help others; they build inner confidence, too.
Teaching manners is about laying a foundation early. Little ones are like sponges, and every kind word or thoughtful gesture is absorbed and stored. Those moments become habits, and those habits shape the kind of person they grow into.
The Real Rewards of Raising a Polite Kid
Teaching manners might sound like a small parenting goal, but the ripple effects are huge. Sure, I’ve dealt with my fair share of sighs, eye rolls, and “Do I have to?” moments—but I’ve also seen just how impactful these lessons can be.
Research backs this up, too. According to insights from child development experts, children who are taught basic manners early on tend to have stronger social skills and higher emotional intelligence later in life.
Here’s what I’ve noticed in my own parenting journey:
1. They Gain Confidence in Social Settings
When kids know how to handle introductions, say hello politely, or join a conversation respectfully, they carry themselves with quiet confidence. They’re no longer afraid of social situations—they’re ready for them.
My daughter used to be shy around new people. But after practicing some simple introductions at home, she walked up to a new classmate and said, “Hi, I’m Ellie. Do you want to play?” That one moment opened up a whole new friendship.
2. They Develop Core Values
Manners are about more than saying the right thing—they’re about doing the right thing. Teaching politeness encourages kindness, empathy, and respect. Over time, those aren’t just rules they follow—they’re values they live by.
3. They’re Ready for the Real World
From first jobs to lifelong friendships, good manners are an edge. Whether your child is ordering food at a restaurant or sitting in a college interview, knowing how to speak and act respectfully helps them shine.
Five Everyday Manners Worth Teaching
You don’t have to master everything overnight. Start with the basics, build your rhythm, and expand as your kids grow. These five manners have been core in our household—and they’ve made a world of difference.
1. “Please” and “Thank You”
It’s simple, but foundational. Teaching kids to express gratitude and ask with kindness sets the tone for every other interaction. When mine were toddlers, we turned it into a game: Spot the moment you can say “please” or “thank you.” They loved it—and now, it’s just part of who they are.
2. Friendly Greetings
A smile, a wave, or a “Good morning” can go a long way. We practiced greetings at home using dolls and action figures, which made it fun and low-pressure. Over time, those habits stuck.
3. Table Manners
Mealtime offers daily opportunities to reinforce patience, politeness, and consideration. From chewing with mouths closed to waiting until everyone is served, we use dinner time as a manners boot camp (with lots of grace, of course).
4. Respect for Others
We talk about listening when someone is speaking, saying “excuse me” before interrupting, and offering a seat to someone who needs it. These small actions teach awareness and respect for others’ needs.
Kids don’t always do what we say—but they do watch what we do. I’ve noticed my son treats cashiers and waiters with kindness, simply because that’s what he’s seen us do.
5. Digital and Phone Etiquette
In today’s world, digital manners matter just as much as in-person ones. I walked my son through his first polite email to a teacher, explaining tone and clarity. It was a small step toward becoming a respectful communicator in both digital and real-life spaces.
Making Manners Stick (Without the Power Struggles)
Let’s be real: kids won’t always thank you for the reminder to say “please.” But that doesn’t mean it’s not sinking in. I’ve learned a few tricks to make manners more engaging and less of a battle:
1. Model the Behavior You Want to See
They’re always watching. Holding the door, saying “excuse me,” thanking the barista—these small actions set the standard. If you normalize kindness and consideration, they’ll follow your lead.
2. Keep It Consistent Across All Settings
If you only reinforce manners at Grandma’s house but let things slide at home, don’t be surprised if the habit doesn’t stick. Consistency builds real habits.
3. Celebrate Thoughtful Actions
When one of my kids does something kind—especially without being prompted—I make a point to acknowledge it. “That was really thoughtful,” I’ll say. “You made their day a little better.” That kind of recognition goes a long way.
4. Use Role-Playing to Practice
Pretend scenarios are gold. From ordering food to apologizing after a disagreement, acting it out makes it stick. Plus, it’s fun—and kids love to play.
5. Explain the “Why” with Empathy
Saying “thank you” isn’t just about politeness—it’s about helping someone feel appreciated. When kids understand that manners are a way to be kind and empathetic, they’re more likely to embrace them.
Handling the Challenges Without Losing Your Cool
Not every lesson lands perfectly the first time. I’ve faced pushback, resistance, and the dreaded public meltdown more than once. Here’s what’s helped:
1. When They Resist
Sometimes kids think being polite is “uncool” or unnecessary. The key is staying steady. If you treat manners like a non-negotiable, they’ll eventually accept them as part of life—just like brushing their teeth.
2. When They Get Mixed Messages
It’s confusing when kids see adults acting rudely or dismissively. Instead of brushing it off, I use those moments to talk things through. “Did you notice how that person interrupted? How do you think the other person felt?” It turns awkward moments into teachable ones.
3. When Public Meltdowns Happen
It’s one thing to talk about manners at home. It’s another when your kid is losing it in the cereal aisle. Been there. More than once. But staying calm and remembering it’s not about perfection—it’s about progress—makes a huge difference.
"I used to be scared to go places alone with my son in fear of public meltdowns. Yet I realized that the only thing I was really afraid of was judgment. You are navigating your child's big feelings in a public place. And that IS enough."
The Long Game: Why This Matters So Much
Raising kind, respectful humans isn’t something you check off a list. It’s an ongoing process—sometimes messy, sometimes frustrating, but always worthwhile.
There’s something truly special about watching your child show kindness to a stranger or offer to help a classmate. Those aren’t just parenting wins. They’re the beginning of lifelong habits that will serve them in friendships, careers, and relationships for years to come.
Keep modeling. Keep encouraging. Keep believing in the power of “please,” “thank you,” and everything in between.
Answer Keys!
Here are five takeaways to help you tackle teaching manners with confidence:
- Model the Behavior: Kids learn by watching, so be the example of kindness and respect you want to see.
- Start Small: Focus on foundational skills like saying “please” and “thank you” before layering on more complex manners.
- Explain the Why: Teaching empathy helps make the practice of manners meaningful.
- Be Consistent: Enforce good manners across all situations, whether at home or in public.
- Make It Fun: Use games, role-playing, and positive reinforcement to keep it engaging.
A Little Politeness Goes a Long Way
At the end of the day, raising polite kids isn’t just about appearances—it’s about equipping them with tools for a more connected, compassionate life. The world could always use a little more kindness, and your efforts today are planting the seeds for a better tomorrow. So, whether you’re reminding your toddler (again) to say “please,” or coaching your teen through a thank-you note, just know this: it’s working. And it matters.
