The Secret to Raising Successful Kids? Start With Good Manners

When I became a parent, I started to notice something fascinating. I’d see kids at the park, at birthday parties, or even just out running errands with their parents, and the ones with good manners stood out in the best way. They weren’t just polite for the sake of being polite; they had this quiet confidence about them, an ease in how they interacted with others. I wanted that for my kids—not just to teach them to say “please” and “thank you,” but to equip them with skills that would carry them through life.

I’ll be honest, it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. Teaching manners takes time, trial and error, and plenty of patience. But I can promise you this: it’s worth it. If you're wondering why manners still matter and how you can start teaching them in a way that sticks, I’ve got you covered.

Why Good Manners Still Matter (And Always Will)

Good manners aren’t just about formalities or knowing which fork to use at a fancy dinner. They’re about showing respect, kindness, and empathy for the people around you. And in today’s world, where face-to-face communication seems to be taking a backseat to texts and DMs, teaching our kids these skills feels more important than ever.

When I think about why this matters, I remember an afternoon at the grocery store with my son. He held the door open for an elderly man who lit up with a smile and said, “Thank you, young man.” My son beamed with pride, and it hit me that manners aren’t just about making life easier for others (though they do). They also build character, self-respect, and confidence.

The earlier we start laying this foundation, the better. Young kids are little sponges, soaking up everything from what we say to how we act. The way I see it, every “please” and “thank you” is a building block in helping them grow into thoughtful, empathetic adults.

The Real Payoff of Teaching Manners

I won’t sugarcoat it—teaching manners takes effort. I’ve had my fair share of repeat reminders and eye rolls. But the payoff? Oh, it’s good.

As revealed by research highlighted on Sparkles on the Web, young kids who learn basic manners like saying “please” and “thank you” tend to show stronger social skills, better self-control, and higher emotional intelligence.

And honestly? I’ve seen that firsthand. Here’s what I’ve noticed happens when kids grow up knowing how to be polite and considerate:

1. Building Confidence and Social Skills

You know those awkward moments when kids don’t know what to say or how to act around new people? Teaching manners helps smooth over those situations. When kids know how to introduce themselves, listen when someone’s talking, and respond politely, they start to feel more at ease in all kinds of social scenarios. It’s like giving them a key to unlock doors they didn’t even know existed.

I remember my shy daughter mustering up the courage to greet a classmate with a smile and a “Hi, I’m Ellie. Wanna play together?” The joy on her face when the other little girl said “yes” made all those reminders about manners worth it.

2. Shaping Their Character

Good manners go hand in hand with essential values like kindness, respect, and honesty. When we teach kids to be polite, we’re really showing them how to think about others’ feelings, acknowledge their needs, and act in ways that show integrity. Over time, these aren’t just things they do; they become part of who they are.

3. Preparing Them for the Future (Professionally and Personally)

Here’s the thing about manners: they’re like secret life skills that will help your kids stand out later. Whether it’s nailing a job interview, working on a team, or maintaining healthy relationships, people are naturally drawn to those who are respectful, considerate, and kind. Teaching these skills now sets your child up for success on so many fronts.

Everyday Manners to Pass On

You don’t need to tackle everything at once. Start small and build from there. Here are the “big five” manners I’ve worked on with my kids.

1. Saying “Please” and “Thank You”

This one’s a classic for a reason. It shows gratitude and respect, and it’s so simple. When my kids were toddlers, we made a game out of spotting situations where they could say these phrases. Now, it’s second nature.

2. Greeting People Kindly

Teaching kids to say hello with a smile, wave, or handshake might seem small, but it’s the first step toward building connections. Fun hack? Practice with teddy bears or action figures at home.

3. Mastering Table Manners

Oh, mealtime. It’s a great starting point for teaching respect and patience. Show them how to set the table, chew with their mouth closed, and wait for everyone to be seated before digging in. It’s also a wonderful chance to gather as a family and model good habits.

4. Respecting Others

This one’s big. It’s about reminding your kids to listen when others are speaking, give up their seat for someone who needs it, and treat adults with respect (using “sir” or “ma’am” where appropriate). Want to know a secret? Kids watch how you treat waitstaff, family members, or strangers more than they listen to you. Model the behavior you want to see.

5. Grasping Digital and Phone Etiquette

The world’s moved online, so teaching kids how to conduct themselves there is crucial. For starters, show them how to answer a phone call politely and handle messages. When my son first emailed his teacher for help, we drafted it together. It was a simple moment, but it taught him a lot about setting the right tone.

How to Make These Lessons Stick

Now, the million-dollar question: how do you teach these habits without it feeling like a chore? Trust me, I’ve learned a few tricks along the way.

1. Lead By Example

This one’s obvious, but it works. If you want your kids to use kind words or offer help to someone in need, you’ve got to do it too. It’s amazing what they pick up just by watching.

2. Keep It Consistent

If you’re always reminding them to say “thank you” at Grandma’s house but not at home, don’t be surprised if the habit doesn’t stick. Manners need to be consistent across all settings.

3. Reward Good Behavior

Positive reinforcement can be powerful. When my kids do something especially thoughtful, I make a point to acknowledge it. “Hey, I really appreciated how you helped your sister without being asked. That was awesome!” Cue the happy grin.

4. Role-Playing Works

Setting up little pretend scenarios is a fun way to teach manners. We’ve practiced everything from ordering in a restaurant to apologizing to a friend after a misunderstanding. It’s like rehearsing life.

5. Teach Empathy

Kids don’t innately understand the “why” behind manners. Explaining it helps. After all, saying “thank you” makes someone feel appreciated, and offering a seat to someone shows you’re thinking of their comfort. Encouraging empathy brings meaning to the rules, and it sticks better that way.

Navigating the Roadblocks

Every parent faces hiccups in this process—I certainly have. If your child resists or you’re feeling doubtful about how to keep everyone on track, remember you’re not alone. Here are some common hurdles and how to get past them:

1. Resistance

Sometimes kids push back because they think manners aren’t cool. Keep calm and stay the course. With time and consistency, they’ll get it.

2. Mixed Signals

If your child sees loved ones or even strangers acting rudely, it can confuse them. Use those moments as opportunities to explain why good manners matter more.

3. Public Meltdowns

No parent enjoys the sideways stares when their child acts out in public. But staying patient and calm is key. Gentle reminders about what’s expected and why will help redirect their behavior over time.

"I used to be scared to go places alone with my son in fear of public meltdowns. Yet I realized that the only thing I was really afraid of was judgment. You are navigating your child's big feelings in a public place. And that IS enough." — On finding confidence through parenting's most challenging moments

Answer Keys!

Here are five takeaways to help you tackle teaching manners with confidence:

• Model the Behavior: Kids learn by watching, so be the example of kindness and respect you want to see.
• Start Small: Focus on foundational skills like saying “please” and “thank you” before layering on more complex manners.
• Explain the Why: Teaching empathy helps make the practice of manners meaningful.
• Be Consistent: Enforce good manners across all situations, whether at home or in public.
• Make It Fun: Use games, role-playing, and positive reinforcement to keep it engaging.

Because Good Manners Never Go Out of Style

Every "please" and "thank you" you teach is more than just polite words. You’re raising kind, respectful, and considerate individuals who will make the world a better place. Keep going—even on the hard days. You’re making a bigger difference than you might realize.